When Not Feeling Loved

The problem is often expressed in terms of not being appreciated or not being loved. But the answer is not to look to our other, but look to ourself. Most often we blame the other when we don't feel loved. The other feels the same about you, and so we become trapped in a vicious circle always blaming the other. Or worse yet, waiting for the other to love us.

There is only one way out:

If you want to feel appreciated, be appreciative. 

If you want to feel loved, love!

Love begets love and more love begets more love.

Joseph Smith said, "It is a time-honored adage that love begets love."

Love builds upon itself.

One of my most frequent answers to prayers about Annie has always been "Just love her," which to me does not allow any room for criticism, evaluation or expectation, but being human I can't eliminate these. I can, however, ask to receive the pure love of Christ so that at sometime I can love her perfectly. In the meantime I can begin to be changed by His pure love and love perfectly at times, and hope that she knows that I want to love her perfectly at all times.

But you can't think that the best way for you to get her to love you is for you to love her. Why? This is not what love begets love means. Because loving expects no response. It is unilateral and asks for nothing in response. Nor does it expect any response.

The reward is in the loving, not in being loved. 

It is much easier to experience being loved, than it is to experience loving. 

To be loved by her is a completely different experience than loving her.

So when I say love begets love, I mean the more you love without expectation, the more you will continue to love without expectation. 

You can't control how or even whether she loves you. To try is to be manipulative and is not loving.

You look at her and love her, not because she loves you, but because you love her. Not the her you may want her to be, but the her she is.

And if she doesn't love you back, it will not diminish the love you have for her. As you have more and more lovings experiences without expectation, she will have no choice but to know that she is loved. If you can't love without being loved back, it is not love.

But I think you will find that your loving her will result in her loving you. But only if your love for her is without any expectation. 

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day" (D&C 50:24).

Since love is of God you can also know and experience that by loving your other without expectation, your love for her will grow brighter and brighter. 

And I suspect that you will come to experience her love for you matching the brightness of your love for her. 


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