Given At The Funeral of My Father

 November 19, 1998

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; (for) we look not at the things which we have seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18).

My father loved drama, and he himself played many roles in his lifetime. He was a husband, father, grandfather, businessman, friend, Bishop, churchman. And except for his role as husband (where he was allowed to be what he was), I am not sure he was ever really comfortable with the other roles he played. While he gave all that he was to each, he was always aware that he was just a man, and that is what I would like to talk about today--My father, the Man--"...the things which are not seen...." And while some of what I will say is only my observations and my experiences with him, in another way I may be the most qualified to talk about 'person' since my Mother says I am like my Father.

Which one of his sons would have, like his father, waited impatiently in a long line at the Burger King drive in; get more frustrated the longer it took; and finally receiving his order, drove away only to find out that he did not get all the French fries he ordered. So he gets back in the long line, again waits impatiently; cursing all the way, arriving again at the window, throwing back the French fries he had received, and driving away again!

There were times when I did not like being around my father. He could be impatient, frustrated, mad, short tempered. And yet as I watched him with others, and experienced for myself his generosity and gentleness, I came to know a man who because of his weaknesses, did not judge others, but in fact loved them more because of their weaknesses.

I watched my father struggle, as he always did, with the right and the wrong. And in the end he always chose mercy; he always forgave; he always loved more. I believe it was because he knew he needed mercy, forgiveness and love.

The following Parable illustrates what I believe my father learned about himself:

"And one of the Pharisees desired that Jesus should eat with him. And Jesus went into the Pharisee's house, and sat down to eat. And, behold, a woman in the city, who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus was eating in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment. She stood at his feet behind him weeping, and begin to wash is feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.

Now when the Pharisee...saw it, he spake within himself saying, 'This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.' And Jesus, answering said unto him: '...There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owned five hundred pence and the other fifty. and when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?'

Simon answered, and said, 'I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most.' And he said unto him, 'Thou hast rightly judged." And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, 'Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, and thou gave me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil though did not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little'" (Luke 7:36-47).

I saw in my Father a man who was uncomfortable with praise, who accepted his call as Bishop, but who never felt that he should be Bishop--a man who was never a master, but was only a servant. Even at work where circumstances sometimes brought out the worst in him, he felt uncomfortable being the boss. He even felt uncomfortable being a father at times because it was difficult for him to share his feelings with us. But for me he didn't need to. I could understand him.

On the other hand he seldom liked it when someone made fun of him (like in Problems and Solutions). To him his weaknesses were serious, and while he could laugh with others, he was uncomfortable laughing at himself. For someone who struggles trying to overcome a weakness, only to continually fail and fall short, it is not humorous.

And it is not humorous because so much time is spent in failing. It wasn't that he worried that someone would notice--he knew everyone knew. He just felt inadequate. And in those feelings of inadequacy is where I learned that my Father was a humble and loving man.

"...for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me...for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 emphasis added).

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me..." (Either 12:27 emphasis added).

The more we are aware of our weaknesses, the more we realize that "...whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

And I believe my Father learned that it was because of his weaknesses that he was most effective as a person. His influence with others was not because of his roles as boss, Bishop, Father, High Councilman, Husband or member of a Stake Presidency--not what he did or did not do, but what he was and is.

For example his influence with Willie Anderson, Gus Gustafson or Dick Chidester, was not because of his positions or the roles he was playing. He influenced them because he was patient (a paradox), kind, gentle, meek and he loved them as best he could. And he influenced them because he was real--there were no pretensions. I think by this time he had learned that influence only through position or authority was ineffective and infringed on others' free agency.

We have all had the experience during a testimony meeting of listening to someone who would like us to think of them as being more than they are. We don't usually relate because we know better. But the person who is humble reveals who they are through their weaknesses, struggles and sincerity, because what is most real is most common, and we love them more.

As a result of what my Dad is I have learned that:

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not about improvement, but about redemption.
2. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not a gospel of performance, but a gospel of repentance.
3. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained only by persuasion, long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and love unfeigned.
4. In our weaknesses we are made strong. Our weaknesses are our strengths because Christ's grace is sufficient for us.
5. Life is a web of trials and temptations, but only of them can ever be fatal, and that is the temptation to think that by further, better and more aggressive living we can have life. It is not the things which are seen, but those which are not seen that give us life.

My Father would have likened himself to the prodigal son rather than the son who stayed home. He would not look at himself as part of the "ninety and nine who needed no repentance." 

Remember the story of the prodigal son:

When the prodigal son returns, the oldest son is in the fields and hears the music and dancing. He questions a servant and learns that this brother has returned and that his father has declared a celebration feast. "Then he became angry and refused to go in." Point by point, we can contrast the father and the oldest son, looking at how each responded to the return of the repentant son. The father runs out to welcome his son; the older brother will not even go into the house to meet him; the older son shows no compassion at all.

The father restores complete sonship and authority to the younger son, and draws him into the community; the older son withdraws from the community which includes his younger brother. The next step in the drama is surprising and again shows the father's all encompassing love. He learns that his eldest son is not joining the feast, and he leaves the comfort and joy of his home, leaves the celebration, to try to bring his elder son--who is erring like his younger son, but in an entirely different way--into the feast. The ensuing conversation further develops the character of the older son. He protests to this father: he has served him for many years, "And I have never disobeyed your command." But his father never gave him even a kid (less valuable than the calf) so he could have a party with his friends.

The stark lack of love for the younger brother combined with the boast, "And I have never disobeyed your command," is striking. One thinks of Christ stating that the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. The oldest son is thus not faultless--he lacks brotherly love. He is a worse sinner than the younger son, for he thinks he is perfect but is entirely without love.

Like the Pharisee in the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, the older son, after describing his own righteousness, throws his brother's sins at his father. "This son of yours...who has devoured your property with prostitutes." There are many like the older brother who cannot stand the fact that others can repent and turn to Christ.

While Dad would liken himself to the prodigal son, I would liken my father to the father in the Parable. While the son was content to be his father's servant, the father would have none of that. He welcomed him as his own and bestowed upon him the blessings of a son, and returned him to his previous status.

And now my father continues his journey home, but without the frail and sick mind which did not function. He can rest now and prepare to that day when his spirit is reunited with his body, that day when his body and spirit will be inseparable.

For "man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy; and when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy" (D&C 93:33-34).

My prayer, as is my father's, is that we will all accept His gift of repentance and bring forth the fruit meet for repentance, so that together with our father, we will receive a fullness of joy.