Mom's Funeral Talk

Mom’s Funeral Talk--April 6, 2007

I heard this statement on a TV show Monday night: “You are just an ordinary family who was put under a microscope. Nobody can hold up to that close of a look.” When I heard that, I thought of Mom, and said to myself: “Except my mother. She could.”  

And yet, no one that I’ve known was more aware of her weaknesses and imperfections. She was always my example of humility. And the greatest blessing a boy like me could have was having a Mother like her. Her gift to me was more than bringing me into this life, nurturing, and raising me. Her gift to me was her humility and patience. She was a window to my soul, and through her, I learned to see myself: how can someone so gentle and patient have a son so selfish and impatient? The Lord knew that only my Mother could have a son like me.  

I have many found memories of Mom. But some you may not have have heard occurred during the 10 days we spent together in France. She was 83 years old, and it was just after my Father was put in a rest home--and she was worn out from taking care of him. I asked her if she thought she would like to go with us. She didn’t even hesitate, and we made the arrangements. We flew into Paris and stayed at a hotel close to the airport, and wanted to spend a couple of days in Paris. You have to walk a lot there, and we were worried that it would make her tired. She was great and just couldn’t believe she was actually there. She had never been overseas before, but had always loved to travel. 

We ate breakfast at the hotel each morning. It was a buffet, and they had delicious rolls. Mom loved the rolls. One time, we noticed her putting a couple in her pocket so she could eat them later. I can still see her trying to put a roll in her pants pocket. Another time while in the metro (subway) we had to go down a very long escalator (maybe 4 stories), and we all stepped on (we thought) and when we got to the bottom, Mom wasn’t there. We looked up, and she was still at the top. She had been afraid to take the first step. We coaxed her with hand signals, and she made the step and then laughed when she got to the bottom. We experienced her having experiences she had only dreamed of.

When we got to Annie’s she was exhausted from jet-lag and walking Paris. Add that to the several years taking care of Dad. So for the first few days, every time she sat down, she fell asleep. 

Arthur and Karine were staying at the house, and Karine’s dog Bamboo fell in love with her and followed her around the house and slept next to her on the couch or in her bed. She even talked about taking Bamboo home. And she always answered the phone when it rang. She had learned how to say ‘Allo’ but then she would hand the phone off to someone else before she had to say more. (She was able to meet all of Annie’s family, and she told me that she felt like part of their family. Every time they have visited Salt Lake since then, they wanted to go see her, and did. Her favorite thing was to take them to Chuck-A-Rama. And they--Karine, Arthur, Renaud, Jean Luc, Lionel, and Monique--send their love and respect to all the family.

We could see the burden being lifted, and she was really enjoying herself. One time, Annie fixed frog legs for us to try. Arthur and Karine were with us, and Mom only wanted to try a couple of them. She ate them, even though slowly, and I thought she liked them. There were a few left on the plate and I started to serve them to her, and she yelled (not quietly either) “No!” Then we, including Mom, all laughed. 

It was the next day that Mom wanted to make her famous chocolate cake, but in France they don’t have unsweetened chocolate, so she used a very bitter dark chocolate, and it was terrific—she was really proud that she had pleased this French family with her cooking. 

My best memories of her on this trip are of just the two of us driving through the villages and countryside. She told me she loved the flowers under the windows of the houses in the villages and cities. It was in June, and it would rain in the morning and be sunny in the afternoon. I took her to Baccarat, a very famous crystal factory not far from Annie’s hometown. While there, she bought a crystal heart. I asked her why she bought it, and she said it was a symbol of Wally’s heart. It was blue, and after we got home, she said she wished she had bought the red one. I asked if she wanted to go back, and she said yes. We went back and got the red one. I asked her why she wanted it red, and she said it reminded her more of his passion and love for her.  

Annie was not with us on these trips, so we had no one who spoke French. One time, we were asked to go get some bread. There was no parking in front of the bakery, and she surprised me by saying she would go in. Then she realized she couldn’t speak French, and you all know Moms doesn’t like to call attention to herself. I told her what to say (‘deux baguettes bien blanche, sil vous plat’), and she practiced for awhile and then went in and ordered the baguettes. She came out with deux baguettes, and I asked her how it went. She said she waited in line, and told the lady what she wanted, and she didn’t understand her, so someone from the back came out and she repeated to that person what she wanted. She said he understood and got her the bread. She was so proud of herself. I think she enjoyed that bread more that night.

She said to me as we were traveling alone one day: “Thank you so much for bringing me here. I have always wanted to come to Europe. I am enjoying it so much, and I am enjoying just being with you. Thank you.”  

Moms was not impressed by display. While the world will always turn its attention to the highly placed, to the well known, to the visibly important, God loves humility. When Moms saw goodness, she thought of her own weaknesses. When an evil person sees goodness, he thinks of his goodness and the evil of others.

As both my Mother and I grew older and my weaknesses became ever more apparent, I started to see myself through her. Then one day I read:  

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me;...” (Ether 12:27).

I had read this many times before, but this time I realized that what my Mother was doing for me was much more than just being an example. She was bringing me to My Father in Heaven and it was through my weaknesses that I would be humble. She showed me the way! I love you, Mom, and tell Dad we miss him too.